Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
