I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
