You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
im drinking this country out of the recession.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Randomize