I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
