Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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