i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
