my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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