Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Randomize
