I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
