Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
