And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
