is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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