Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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