broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
