Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
