he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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