Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
