just come out here and I will go home with you...
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize