I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My vagina just recognized that song.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Randomize
