she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He did a backflip because drugs
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
