Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
