Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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