is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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