I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
