mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
