I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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