how can u be prego again
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just want nice things and good sex
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
