Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
