If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
