Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
