I didn't shave. On purpose
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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