I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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