96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
