and you said cock pushups were impossible
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
