Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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