The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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