he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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