the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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