I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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