When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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