I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize