I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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