have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
