You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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