When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
