I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
