it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize