Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
