I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
