There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
