There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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