Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
how drunk are you?
Several
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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