I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize