I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
