Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
