Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
