I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
