hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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