guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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