Your mouth is God's brothel.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Houston, we have a blender
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize