You're so nebulous sometimes
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
