The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize