I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I am spending my child support on dildos
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
