i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I will be naked everywhere
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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