hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize