I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
